You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
