He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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