It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
