No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
