My hand turned me down
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
