I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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