the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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