the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
