What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
