don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i now understand why vodka
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
