you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
