I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
