you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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