It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
