we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
