i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
