You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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