it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she looked like the before picture.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize