No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
