dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
