i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this is an emotional support booty call
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
