just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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