we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
