dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish you could order shots online.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
