I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
