he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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