nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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