I'm drive I can fine osifer
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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