You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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