I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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