Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
