brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
