I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
