They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
