i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
