My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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