you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
