I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
