Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
