so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
