is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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