he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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