Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
