I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
