Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
