i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She announced her abortion via fbk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
