I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
