I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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