im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
one two three fourrrrnication!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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