Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
