so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
