Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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