I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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