I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
