God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
