call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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