Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
