he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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