Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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