so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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