im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
