i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
