her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
