Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
