i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
