There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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