YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
