thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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