How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
