I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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